i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
