Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
