I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
