Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
