I didn't shave. On purpose
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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