Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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