ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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