Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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