Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
