I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We need a shit load of segways right now
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
