He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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