At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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