Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
