who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I could fuck to npr.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
