I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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