I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
