you didnt know i had herpes?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
