this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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