So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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