Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
