At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
