ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dignity is for republicans.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
