with your own penis?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
