yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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