She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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