break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
