dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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