i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
