I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
