Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
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