this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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