In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
