there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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