FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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