Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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