with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she looked like the before picture.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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