My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
