That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize