sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
