may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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