mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
