I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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