low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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