So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
