the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
