I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
