I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
