i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize