can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
