I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
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