Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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