Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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