It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
