did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
A bitchslap is in order.
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