I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
