Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Buhtt sex?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
