omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
