Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize