I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
