I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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