you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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