I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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