Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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