I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
