Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize