yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
