I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
