I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
