i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
