I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
