if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
