you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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