Apparently you make a good broom.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
