I bet he comes in French.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
