Having a random hookup so left but love u
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
