no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
