Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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