sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize