I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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