He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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