apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
