This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
