There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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