I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize