I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
