the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
